I haven't been this sober since birth.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
