Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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