please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
