That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
