Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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