i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
