I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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