I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
