No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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