I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
