Do you still have your period?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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