Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
