Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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