Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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