I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
