my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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