Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
