I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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