I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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