I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
