his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
