Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
