If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize