There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
