there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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