The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
