I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
