it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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