Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
