So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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