ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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