My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
