Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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