Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
