Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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