I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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