Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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