The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
