Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
