Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My ass is underappreciated
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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