with your own penis?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
