In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
