So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize