One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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