Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
