I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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