Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
