Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
