last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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