peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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