It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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