things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
