Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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