He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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