there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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