In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
