wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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