Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
