I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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