Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
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