she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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