i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
