the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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