I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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